Saturday, April 15, 2017

I'm so very tired of bi-polar, manic, depressed, autism, sensory processing, anxiety, anger, and every other word that's used to describe what goes on in this house. I realize there's no such thing as normal, but I'm so tired. I'm tired of trying to figure out how to run a household where nothing is what it seems. I've been living with bi-polar disorder since I was 18; I'm now 39. Just when I think I've got it down, something comes along and I'm thrown for a loop. Bryan's been dealing with it since 2009. Tea's been dealing with anxiety since about 2011, and now depression as well. I don't know how to help my kids, and I feel like I'm just fumbling trying. I'm crying writing this. I feel like a failure as a parent.

This morning I couldn't even sit in my glider rocker and enjoy a cup of coffee because Matthew kept ramming/bumping into me. I finally had to come into my office/laundry room to get away. I busted a hump cleaning off the table so that Tea could do her homework there; all I wanted to do was sit down and enjoy my cup of coffee. I feel so selfish for that. Urgh. Maybe a nice long shower is what I need.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

It's been difficult around here. I've been suffering some monster headaches. I've been instructed to lay off the Tylonal, as my doctor thinks they're rebound headaches from when the Tylonal wears off. So I haven't been taking it for a week now, and the headaches are still as bad as ever, just not as frequent. Tonight I've got a monster of a migraine working it's way on. I caved and took some of my migraine meds. That does have acetaminophen in it. I couldn't stand the lightning behind my eyes and the nausea I was feeling.

Tea is whipping out teenager attitude stronger than ever. We (well, I) told her that she could go to prom, and she's been kind of haggy since then. Disrespectful, rude, that sort of thing. Tonight we really called her out on her behavior. What a soap opera our house turned into. You'd think I was the meanest mother in the world because I wouldn't let her go over to a friend's house because they understand what she's going through and obviously I don't. Holy crap, I remember thinking exactly the same thing at her age. I can't wait until she's a mom and goes through this with her kids.

Matthew has been more defiant this past week. I don't know if it's the change in the weather or having to go to bed while it's still light out, but I'm feeling worn out. But, I guess feeling worn out will happen when you have a 4-year-old at 40.