Sunday, December 27, 2015

I missed my nephew's wedding. We didn't go up because of the weather, but a huge reason, one that I didn't share with anybody, was that I'm too fat to fit into any of my nice clothes, so I didn't have anything to wear. At first I couldn't afford to buy anything new, and when I could, it was too late to buy anything. I was trying on clothes on Thursday, and everything was so tight it either showed off all my lumps or wouldn't fit over my hips to get it on all the way. I was so embarrassed that I've let myself get this fat. I can only hope that my new meds will help me lose weight like the doctor hopes it will. My psychiatric nurse also increased my dose of Topamax, hoping that it'll work in conjunction with the Metformin to help me lose weight even better. Just, please, I hope it happens soon. I want to be able to wear my clothes again. I don't want to miss family functions because I'm so fat.

Monday, December 21, 2015

This Christmas we're not doing Santa. Instead, the kids will be receiving gifts from the Spirit of Christmas. I knew that we weren't going to be able to afford much for gifts, so I signed up with Love Baskets, the Salvation Army program that helps families out with gifts. Our family was adopted by one of the churches in the area. God really watched over us this season and assured that my kids will have a wonderful Christmas. He worked through many people to bless our lives. God is good. And it is partly because of this, and also because Matthew has shown no interest in Santa, that we will be doing the Spirit of Christmas rather than Santa. I think I'll continue that each year. It is my hope that one year we'll be able to adopt a family for Love Baskets. I'd love to have the money to do that. One day. That is my goal.

I went to the doctor for my annual physical, and she diagnosed me with PCOS. I'm now on a new medication, which I really need to look up drug information on. I'm more hormonal since going on it, and I feel like I'm actually going to get my period, which would be weird, because I haven't had it in 2 years. But the drug is also supposed to help with weight loss, which would be good. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, I've gotten so fat.