I've been working on my OA steps quite a bit; I'm currently working steps 6 and 7 right now. More step 7, just reviewing step 6. I'm trying to get myself to a place of calmness and peace. There's something I read in some OA literature that I really like. "God's will frees me from my self-destructive willfulness; it takes nothing good away from me." It's all about giving up my willfulness right now.
It's been incredibly hot out these past few days. Too bad I can't melt off pounds. I've kept Matthew inside for the most part. On Tuesday we went outside for about an hour because the wind was up so it wasn't so darn uncomfortable, and on Wednesday was the car show, so we were out until I was uncomfortable.
Tea was dropped off in Duluth over the weekend, and I'll be picking her up this Sunday. She wanted to go spend time with Nick's mother. It's been very quiet without her here.
I'm now on a higher dose of Lamictal to try and bring my mood up out of this depression. I could've gone up on Prozac, but I was afraid it would bring me into mania, which usually comes at the end of summer/beginning of fall, anyway. Of course, the depression usually is just the month of May, so we're not following the usual patterns here, but I'd rather not risk it. Sometimes, though, I think I could use a good manic phase to get me through things. Not a big sexual one, like they were 10/15 years ago, but a nice good mom/happy house cleaner one. Too bad I can't control things. Again, it's all about giving up my willfulness.
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