Saturday, April 15, 2017

I'm so very tired of bi-polar, manic, depressed, autism, sensory processing, anxiety, anger, and every other word that's used to describe what goes on in this house. I realize there's no such thing as normal, but I'm so tired. I'm tired of trying to figure out how to run a household where nothing is what it seems. I've been living with bi-polar disorder since I was 18; I'm now 39. Just when I think I've got it down, something comes along and I'm thrown for a loop. Bryan's been dealing with it since 2009. Tea's been dealing with anxiety since about 2011, and now depression as well. I don't know how to help my kids, and I feel like I'm just fumbling trying. I'm crying writing this. I feel like a failure as a parent.

This morning I couldn't even sit in my glider rocker and enjoy a cup of coffee because Matthew kept ramming/bumping into me. I finally had to come into my office/laundry room to get away. I busted a hump cleaning off the table so that Tea could do her homework there; all I wanted to do was sit down and enjoy my cup of coffee. I feel so selfish for that. Urgh. Maybe a nice long shower is what I need.