Friday, August 25, 2017
Friday, August 25, 2017
With our lives so very different now, and Matthew's schedule all thrown off, he's getting hard to handle. He doesn't go to any type of therapy anymore. Nick is home with him all the time and now I work part-time. His days are all messed up. He's becoming super mouthy and argumentative. I feel horrible, because we were getting it all set up that he was going to have ABA therapy starting in September, and now that's going to be put off until we can find out if we're even going to have any type of insurance. Then it would have to be approved. So we're looking at another month, at least, until anything can be done. I feel like he's going to be in limbo. And I'm so angry. I'm angry at a system that's letting a little boy get lost because there's no way to pay for his care. I'm angry at Nick for getting fired. I'm angry at myself because I feel like I'm a failure as a mother. I'm angry at the world just because. I'm angry at being alive. I'm just angry.
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Saturday, August 19, 2017
The school year has ended since my last post, and here we are, the summer almost over for us. Tea starts back to school on the 31st, and Matthew will go back after Labor Day.
I was right to worry about Matthew's dental bill. I have payment arrangements set up with about four different places. In all, I want to say his teeth cost us about $2,500 after insurance. Insurance only paid $25 (yes, you read that right, twenty-five dollars), but they had their insurance write-offs that saved us some.
Nick was still in an incredibly amount of pain over the summer. He was coming home early from work, which really wasn't that big of a deal because his service writer wasn't giving him anything to do. He was having to go to other people looking for cars to work on. Nick requested a change of service writer. He actually made quite a stink about it. Well, between that and what they said was his "quality of work" (read: working in pain on half a leg), he got fired. Right now, he's applying for disability. His leg collapses on him when he tries to get up, 3/4 of the time he can't make it up the stairs, and it's almost painful to watch him try to work on one of our vehicles. He has to sit in an office chair more often than not.
But on the plus side, I got a job at Target. I'll be working no more than 4 hours a day, 20 hours a week. My psychiatric nurse said I really need to get out of the house and do something for me, and now that Nick is home to look after Matthew, I feel ready. The 4 hours a day was the original limit I was given for working. Hopefully, this will keep me sane and won't drive me into a manic phase. Target was wonderful about working around my schedule; I'm going to love working there. I start Tuesday.
So I'm wondering if we'll be able to keep our house now, and I'm making preparations for what will happen in case we don't, and part of that includes Bryan moving out. His plans fell through to move out with friends to the UP. And now that there's a possibility that we might lose our house (no matter how much Nick wants to deny that we can't keep up with the payments), I've been looking at the possibility of moving back up north. Bryan will have to decide what to do with himself, though, because he wouldn't be able to live with us any longer. Even if we stuck around here and we had to move, he would have to find his own place. Everything is just so up in the air.
I'm trying to believe in something bigger out there that has a plan for us, but it's kind of hard to see the light through the tunnel right now. I'm not sure where our lives are headed. I can tell you that after Nick lost his job, I went into Wonder Woman mode, making all the necessary phone calls, filling out paper work, just doing what needed to be done to make sure that everyone was going to be okay (food, health insurance, etc.). But now that all of that has been filled out, and I'm in the waiting game to see where we stand on things, I'm panicking about what's going to happen next.
I was right to worry about Matthew's dental bill. I have payment arrangements set up with about four different places. In all, I want to say his teeth cost us about $2,500 after insurance. Insurance only paid $25 (yes, you read that right, twenty-five dollars), but they had their insurance write-offs that saved us some.
Nick was still in an incredibly amount of pain over the summer. He was coming home early from work, which really wasn't that big of a deal because his service writer wasn't giving him anything to do. He was having to go to other people looking for cars to work on. Nick requested a change of service writer. He actually made quite a stink about it. Well, between that and what they said was his "quality of work" (read: working in pain on half a leg), he got fired. Right now, he's applying for disability. His leg collapses on him when he tries to get up, 3/4 of the time he can't make it up the stairs, and it's almost painful to watch him try to work on one of our vehicles. He has to sit in an office chair more often than not.
But on the plus side, I got a job at Target. I'll be working no more than 4 hours a day, 20 hours a week. My psychiatric nurse said I really need to get out of the house and do something for me, and now that Nick is home to look after Matthew, I feel ready. The 4 hours a day was the original limit I was given for working. Hopefully, this will keep me sane and won't drive me into a manic phase. Target was wonderful about working around my schedule; I'm going to love working there. I start Tuesday.
So I'm wondering if we'll be able to keep our house now, and I'm making preparations for what will happen in case we don't, and part of that includes Bryan moving out. His plans fell through to move out with friends to the UP. And now that there's a possibility that we might lose our house (no matter how much Nick wants to deny that we can't keep up with the payments), I've been looking at the possibility of moving back up north. Bryan will have to decide what to do with himself, though, because he wouldn't be able to live with us any longer. Even if we stuck around here and we had to move, he would have to find his own place. Everything is just so up in the air.
I'm trying to believe in something bigger out there that has a plan for us, but it's kind of hard to see the light through the tunnel right now. I'm not sure where our lives are headed. I can tell you that after Nick lost his job, I went into Wonder Woman mode, making all the necessary phone calls, filling out paper work, just doing what needed to be done to make sure that everyone was going to be okay (food, health insurance, etc.). But now that all of that has been filled out, and I'm in the waiting game to see where we stand on things, I'm panicking about what's going to happen next.
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