I made it to IOP today. I almost didn't. I dropped off Matthew with Holly, and I was tempted to just go home and clean house or go back to bed. I felt like there was so many different better things that I could be doing other than being here. But I did make it.
And you know what? This journal entry is going to make it into my blog. It's like having my computer in front of me - pen and paper form.
There are two affirmations I'd like to write down that really spoke to me today. The first is, "I will never please everyone and that's okay." This really reminds me of going through and trying to find a child care center for Matthew. I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt Holly's feelings when I tell her that we're leaving. She's been so wonderful, but he really needs to be around kids his own age. Anyway, the second affirmation is, "For now I will trust and experience what I am going through. I know that this time of change is sacred." I think that really says a lot about my being here. I have to trust that this is where I'm supposed to be.
LATER
I don't think we're going to be able to put Matthew into a child care center. It's just not something we can afford right now. We're behind in our mortgage and we really need to get caught up in that; I don't want to lose our house. I wonder if Holly would be open to going to the children's time at the library so that Matthew could get interaction there. I guess there's nothing that I can find out until I ask.
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