I can't handle Matthew waking up in the middle of the night anymore. He usually wakes up somewhere in the 3 o'clock hour. It's driving me batty. I'm not the most patient person in the middle of the night, especially when he's screaming that he wants to go downstairs, and I'm trying to tell him that he needs to go back to bed because it's the middle of the night. I actually spanked him tonight, because he wouldn't calm down. It got him to calm down, but then I felt so bad that I asked for God's forgiveness. Honestly, though, I don't know of any other way I would've gotten him to calm down. He was screaming at the top of his lungs and just going wild. The spanking gave him something else to concentrate on. So I left him in his room, calmer, and came downstairs. Since the dogs heard me up, they wanted outside. I let them out, and now I'm awake, watching South Park, and I'm hoping to find sleep again sometime before the dawn.
I feel like since Matthew's been home from daycare, I'm just not a good mother. Of course, I felt like that when he was at daycare, too. When he was at daycare, I felt like I wasn't spending enough time with him, and that bothered me, but I also had a hard time spending time with him. Now that he doesn't go to daycare, I spend almost ALL my time with him. He's constantly hanging on me. It's very seldom that I'm without him. I try to keep patience with him throughout the day, and I think I do a pretty good job, so when it comes to waking up with him at night, I tend to not be as patient. I feel like I'm just empty. All of my patience has been used, and I need to recharge through sleep, but it keeps getting interrupted. I have older kids I need to have patience with as well. I really need to sleep. So why am I awake at 3:44 in the morning blogging?
No comments:
Post a Comment