I've been having a lot of anxiety attacks lately. They hurt. I can't breathe, my chest is all tight, I can't stop the tears from flowing down my face, and I feel like running, yet I can't manage to take a step forward. It's awful. My mom helps a lot though. If I can get to the phone and make a call to her, she talks to me like we're having just some boring conversation about every day life, and it gets me into a mode where I'm not concentrating on how much I'm panicking and instead am concentrating on the calmness of her voice and the mundane things that we're talking about (do I want the cake made before we come up, or do I want to make it myself? Just stuff like that). So now I sit here and practice breathing deeply, and Nick has lavender diffusing almost 24/7.
I've been doing a lot of OA reading and trying to bury myself in that. I have a sponsor now, and I'm trying to do the homework that she gave me. However, I'm super tired right now, and I think all I want to do is sleep for a couple of hours.
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