This mommy feels unappreciated. My kids expect me to pick up after them. They make fun of my laugh (which makes me feel like not even laughing), and Tea tells me I can't sing. That would be no big deal, except she keeps harping on it and tells me that Dad is the singer and I should just stop. I'm just so tired of feeling disrespected. I left the two big kids chores to do while Nick and I were in Duluth at a funeral yesterday. Bryan was supposed to change the litter box and vacuum the living room. Tea was supposed to unload and reload the dishwasher. Simple things for the whole 8 to 10 hours that we'd be gone. Bryan changed the litter box and picked up the living room but never did vacuum. Tea completely ignored what she was supposed to do, even going so far as to trying to pawn it off on Bryan. I really didn't think it was too much to ask.
I feel like now that we've gotten Bryan through graduation, I can just take off. I know I've talked about taking the kids and leaving, but part of me feels like if Nick was just on his own with Tea and Matthew, he'd be calmer. Or at least not as angry as he is with Bryan. And I just can't handle life anymore. I don't know if it's a midlife crisis or my bipolar disorder, but I'm in a bad way again. I'm crying all the time, contemplating ways that I could successfully commit suicide (I'm not going to try it unless I know I could be successful, because I'm a damn chicken), and I know I should be talking to my therapist or practicing my DBT skills, but I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of trying to help myself when everybody else is treating me like shit and nobody bothers to change themselves. Why do I always have to be the one to be bettering myself and changing? I feel like I'm stuck in a hole. I'm doing the same things over and over and expecting different results - the definition of insanity.
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