I've had a few days to get over myself. I know that if it weren't for not adopting, we would have never had Matthew. I know that little boy doesn't know us, and it makes absolutely no sense to have him in our household. I know that he knows and loves my cousin, and it makes very much sense for him to be there while they try to get him straightened out. My emotions run strong, and I needed a few days to think and pray about it. And I prayed a ton. I'm always going to miss what could've been, and I'm always going to dream about it. But I have what is, and that's more than enough.
I joined a group on Facebook for special needs moms. It's a good group. I'm looking forward to Matthew's appointment at the beginning of February to see if we can get an actual diagnosis, something finalized for insurance, something to end this. I want peace of mind. I want to be able to be okay with whatever diagnosis there is and move on. I'm having a hard time making sense of what's going on in every day life with him now, not knowing what to expect or what could be on a timeline for advancement. Or what I could do to be helping more. It's frustrating.
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