Just when I think I might be doing a little better, hanging in there a little more, I get hit with intrusive thoughts that knock the wind out of me and make me wonder what type of person I really am. What kind of mother am I? What type of person seriously considers harming another person? And even if I actually didn't seriously consider it, why would these types of thoughts run through my head in the first place? Am I psycho? Is there something seriously wrong with me? Do I have an insane gene running through my brain that nobody has found yet? What if it's too late when it is found? These are all the things that I worry about. No wonder I'm so full of anxiety all of the time.
I'm still doing daily check-ins with my therapist. I go see my psychiatric nurse tomorrow. Hopefully this can get figured out so I can get back to some type of normal. I don't fear for anybody's safety, so that's good. Just my own sanity. That's the only thing I fear for - my sanity.
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