Today has been a series of ups and downs. I saw my therapist this morning, which was good. I went in with some hope that things are finally going to get better. I had a renewed hope in me. The day kind of went down from there. The depression hit me. Then it got a little better again. Then it got worse. I just hate depression. You never know what's going on with it.
Nick's parents came down and took the two older kids out today. I think that was wonderful of them. It's nice for the kids to know their grandparents. Carol complimented me before they left. She said I'm doing a wonderful job with the kids, raising them. I burst into tears. I felt like such a fraud. I think I made her feel bad. She came over and just hugged me while I cried on her shoulder. After she left I went up and just cried in my room. I hate feeling like a fraud. I feel like I can barely take care of myself, so how am I doing a good job taking care of my kids?
I'm going to start working on my DBT workbook. My therapist and my psychiatric nurse want me to start a DBT program, to which I am opposed, but I'll start the workbook and see where I want to go from there.
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