My last post was in June, when I was struggling. Let's move on from there.
I finished IOP, and I did well. I learned coping skills for the intrusive thoughts. I began to feel less overwhelmed at home. I used my meds to become less anxious and also learned coping skills for anxiety. I graduated a happier person on the first of July. I was very proud of myself for finishing.
Bryan and I flew out to Maryland that first week of July for our yearly deal with the National Institute of Mental Health. I had a lot of anxiety out there (I don't know why), and they ended up flying us out a day early. We were done with all of our testing, so it didn't screw anything up, and it greatly relieved the pressure that I was feeling.
Depression hit me again, and I'm not sure when it happened. But it's bad. I cry a lot, I'm having a hard time taking care of things around the house, I'm having a hard time taking care of me, of the kids, etc. I'm having to do check-ins with my therapist daily again, and I'm meeting with her at least twice a week. I meet with my psychiatric nurse this week to see if anything can be done with my meds to help me feel better. I'm hoping they can play with my bipolar antidepressant a little. I need something done. I hate this feeling. I can't even write about it because I can't describe it. People ask what they can do for me and I don't know what to tell them, because I don't even know what they can do. I'm taking no pleasure in being a mother or a wife, and I feel a great amount of guilt because of that. And the guilt doesn't help when it piles onto the depression.
So that's just a quick catch-up.
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