I haven't written, because I thought, who wants to hear somebody complain all the time? Then I remembered that this is a blog for me, and it's cathartic, and if I want to write and complain, that's what I'm going to do.
Things have been hard. As in, seeing my therapist twice a week, doing check-in calls, considering the hospital hard. I've been trying to make life as "normal" as possible. I've been going out and doing things with the mom's group. I've started doing yoga (I found a beginner's video on youtube that I really like) and am trying to get to the gym. But the days with Matthew are still hard, and I find myself getting frustrated easily. I had a day the other day where I felt like overdosing on pills, which is something drastic that I would have done in the past. Instead I took a nap, had some chamomile tea, and cleaned the bathroom sink. I'm trying to find healthy ways to deal with all of these feelings, but I feel like people don't understand how hard I'm struggling. I feel like something drastic would make people understand how hard I am struggling. But I know that's stupid. Well, my wise mind knows that's stupid.
Yes, wise mind. I started the DBT program. I've only been there once, but I like it so far. The people are very open and welcoming. The subject matter is interesting. I'm hoping that between the program and therapy I can get what I need.
Matthew is suffering one heck of a cold right now, so I've kept him home from things we were supposed to do. On Thursday he was supposed to have ABC for Kids (which is agility, balance, coordination), and we stayed home from that, and we were supposed to go to mom's group. Instead we went to the doctor because Matthew was pulling on his ears and I was concerned he had an ear infection to go along with his cold. But it's only a cold. His nose is nasty and he has one heck of a cough, but he'll be okay. He's crabby, but hopefully he'll be better soon. I put him in steamy showers to hopefully loosen everything up, and I bought tissues with lotion in them to be more gentle to his tiny nose.
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