I really hate when people post "I shouldn't have to pay taxes to support people who can work but won't" on FB. Guess what? Some people genuinely need welfare. When Nick wasn't working, it was the only way we survived. Thanks to food stamps, we could afford to pay other bills (including the cell phone) because our food was paid for. Our medical was covered. Not everyone is living the high life on welfare. And it really pisses me off that that's the assumption.
I guess I feel this way, too, because I'm paranoid about what people think of me because I collect Social Security. My bi-polar disorder is considered a disability. The longest I've ever held a job is 2 years, and that was only part-time at 15 hours a week. Even that job I had to call in because I was hospitalized or otherwise unable to handle life. Otherwise, my average job span was 6 months. I can't form proper sentences quickly. My brain doesn't move fast enough to keep up with what I have to do in a job. I can't figure out math beyond a third grade level most days. I can't believe I graduated college with a 3.9 GPA. I can't help my kids with their homework. I stopped being able to help them in fourth grade. I can still balance the checkbooks. I have history facts that will come to me randomly. But I live by lists. If I don't write something down, I forget it. Social Security recently reviewed my case and confirmed that I am still disabled mentally. But I always worry...what do people think? Do they think I'm freeloading? I look normal enough. Do they think that just because I look normal I should be out working?
People don't know what goes on underneath. Just because a person looks normal doesn't mean they aren't suffering on the inside. Mental issues are hard to pinpoint. I don't think anybody really can tell what an individual goes through, even if they are going through something similar. Nothing is exactly the same. And when you have mental issues, doctors are quick to dismiss your physical issues as "just in your head." That happens to me all the time. It's come to the point that I rarely go to the doctor anymore unless you can actually see my ailment. But say my back starts killing me again? I'll take an overabundant amount of ibuprofen and go to the massage therapist and try my oils before even thinking about the doctor.
Is it important to me to educate people? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like people are so set in their opinions that it doesn't even help to try and explain things. I feel like people will listen, nod their heads, but not even hear a word that you say. Of course, I just may be jaded. I probably am. I've had too many of people misunderstanding.
When I had my first miscarriage, I went back to work immediately after finding out. I was devastated, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't realize that "normal" people would go home and cry there. I went crying back to work because I still had an hour left. I was young, on my first real job, and had just had news that I didn't know what to do with. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do. One of my co-workers very loudly declared that she didn't believe that I'd miscarried. So on top of having the devastation of losing a baby and not knowing how to handle it, I had to deal with having a co-worker thinking that I was a liar. That was really rough, and it's something that still haunts me to this day. That was 15 years ago. I don't think I'll ever forget it.
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