Saturday, February 20, 2016

The anxiety is still getting to me. It was hard to see my mom go home. It's like my anxiety was kept at bay with her here, and now that she's gone, it's bad again. I don't know what I'm going to do when one day she no longer blesses us with her presence on this earth.

I'm trying to get back into a routine, though. Today I went to Target (the doors opened and the angels sang, and the building asked why I'd been away so long) to pick up some shampoo and other necessities. Nick and I also went to the gym. I have to admit I had an anxiety attack before going to Target. I just walked out of the house and it started. I sat in my car for awhile, then called me sister and talked until I calmed. Just acting like everything is normal seems to help.

I'm getting back to doing the steps for OA, too. I've finished with my resentments for step 4 and sent them off to my sponsor for step 5. Now I'll move on to fear for step 4. We're doing steps 4 and 5 together, which actually makes sense, because I don't feel overwhelmed doing them that way. I do one resentment at a time and send it off, and now I'll do one fear at a time and send it off. Before I start doing my fears, though, I'm going to take a little time to read in the Big Book, and I wanted to write some of this stuff down, what I'm doing, so I can be proud of myself for the steps that I'm taking. I feel like I'm just working in baby steps right now, and that's really all I can handle.

My sister and I are headed to Hinkley next weekend for our craft weekend. I'll be working on my Shutterfly books. This Wednesday, I'll be ordering up the last one of the ones that I had finished at our last craft weekend. They get expensive, so I try to wait for deals to order them. I hope to finish at least two more books on this crafting weekend. I think I'm up to 2013. I know I've got a ways to go, but it's fun to get away with my sister and work on stuff with her. I don't need much concentration to work on my books, so I can chat while working on them. It makes the time go by faster.