I opened up a bit more today in IOP, although I'm still not sure it's the place that I'm supposed to be. I feel like it would be more therapeutic if I were with my individual therapist. Driving to IOP today, I had the urge to drive off the road into a tree. I discussed it there, and came up with the plan to take a different route into Woodbury. The place where I had the urge is where I know someone has killed themselves there before, and it's just a trigger area. It's just better to avoid the area all together. I can do that. So I took a different way home and timed it, and it should actually shave 5 to 10 minutes off my drive time. Well, traffic willing.
Today has been a very hard day. I can't stand all of the yelling that goes on, and I completely flipped out and did my fair amount of screaming about it. I screamed so loud that I hurt my throat. Then I drove down to the river and sat with my feet and ankles in the water and let my emotions wash over me. I tried to sort through everything that I was feeling and why I'm such a mess since coming home. While I was in the hospital, all I wanted was to be home. Now that I'm here, all I want is to be anywhere else. It's a horrible feeling, and I"m wondering just what the hell is wrong with me.
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